Never Leave Your Heart Alone
by YouCouldBeHappy
Summary: Season four merder. Can Meredith and Derek get over their past and make a new beginning?  Sorry for the recent delay in updates. i'm having some family emergencies.  I will update as soon as i can!
1. Chapter 1: Tears and Rain

Chapter One- Tears and Rain.

She sat down on her bed. She was crying. Yet again, he made her cry. She knew it was her fault but she couldn't do it anymore. He wanted a future-a future she wasn't sure she could give him- and he wanted her in it. But now, now she wasn't sure she had done the right thing. And it hurt like hell. She let him go; she let the man of her dreams go. She wanted to be happy but she couldn't stand it. She ignored the fact that Izzie and George had been knocking at the door asking if she was okay for the past thirty minutes. All she could think about was Derek. She hadn't literally told him it was over, maybe he didn't get the hint. But then again, he was Derek… He knew her.

_Tell me that you know another way to get it done  
it's for me or how I would be  
but it's a different situation a different situation  
you lay awake in the night just staring at the ceiling above  
pulling pieces of it out is such a waste of time  
keep on fighting to remember that nothing is lost in the end_

Derek leaned back and sighed. He had no clue what had just happened. She said it was over. Then she looked at him, she looked at him. He could feel his heart stop, tears trying to find their way out. He wouldn't let them. He looked around his trailer. Everything reminded him of her. He could see the red shirt he wore the first time they met hanging in the closet, which was now currently open.

_when you burn burn burn your life down_

get me to the door out of bed on the track I'm not sure  
starting over  
It's a different situation a different situation  
you wake up in the night and refuse to be afraid of it now  
unfolding pieces of it faster don't you waste your time  
you've been planning to remember so nothing will be lost in the end

All they wanted to do is find each other and stay in the warmth of each other's arms forever. Meredith was too scared to do that, and Derek, Derek was too hurt. She had never been in a relationship like this; he gave her butterflies every single time he kissed her. Derek hadn't, either. Sure, he'd been in long-term relationships, but Meredith was different; she was the one.

_and you burn burn burn your life down  
and you burn burn burn your life down_

I travel around the block and I'm not looking to my right  
I feel the glass against my cheek  
and I can't see you in the light  
I break my heart around this break my heart around this

He knew what he had to do. For the most part, Derek followed his heart. He didn't follow the one time he truly needed to-when he picked Addison- but he know not following his heart was no longer an option. Meredith was the one, she was it for him. And he was going to fight like hell to get her back in his arms.

_I travel around the block and I'm not looking to my right  
I feel the glass against my cheek  
and I can't see you in the light  
I break my heart around this break my heart around this pole_

The next morning, Meredith woke up and drove to Cristina's house. The night before, all both of them wanted to do was think alone.

"Cristina."

"Meredith."

"What did he do to you?"

The house was a mess Cristina was lying in a pile of Burke's belongings, eating ice cream with half eaten food containers all around her.

"I loved him, I actually loved him. I am Cristina Yang, I don't fall in love and I don't resort to crying and ice cream when a guy breaks up with me."

"I know how you feel." Meredith sighed. She did, she knew exactly how Cristina felt. She had loved Derek for as long as she could remember. She wasn't sure if leaving him was the right thing to do. She felt so much worse than before. She was beginning to think she had made the biggest mistake of her life. "I'm sorry."

"I just, I don't know what to do…"

"Well, I'm sure Bailey doesn't expect you to come in. You should take a few days off."

"I should? Mer, you look just as bad as I do."

Meredith knew it was true. Her heart was also broken. "I didn't have my wedding called off." She felt as if she did. There was a wedding in the future with them, the future she refused to be part in.

"Yeah, but still. You and McDreamy had something there. Normally I wouldn't admit it but I'm not exactly myself today."

"Yeah, we had something and I ruined it, its over."

"It's not over yet Mer; he hasn't said its over. But anyways, you should get going, your going to be late."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes Meredith. And do me a favor… talk to him."

"Cris…"

"No Meredith, do this, do this for me."

"Okay, I will." Cristina was right; she needed to talk to him. She didn't know what she was going to say, or how she would say it, but there were things that needed to be said. She still loved him.

"Promise?"

"I Promise."

Meredith made it to the hospital right on time. She made it to the locker room successfully avoiding Derek. She knew she had to talk to him, she just didn't know what to say. There were so many things left unsaid and she just didn't know where to start. She thought back to him telling her about the girl in the bar. What if he had moved on?

_must have left it on the table  
Of the chair  
Not sure  
I didn't feel it it was painless  
Oh dear  
I guess I'm just a little careless!  
I'll confess  
When the music's on  
Everything else gets lost!_

He caught a glimpse of her the second he walked into the hospital. All her wanted to do was run to her and hold her in his arms, feel her soft, comforting lips on his. He knew being with her again was just some fantasy-that she would never take him back- but he couldn't help but love her. Everything about her was perfect; from her tiny ineffectual fists to the smell and waves of her hair.

_I think I like it  
I think I like it  
I think I'd like my soul back  
I think I like it  
I think I like it  
I think I'd like my soul back_

What happened to the day they were just the girl and the guy in the bar? What happened to being bright and shiny? Now they both felt dark and twisty and they both knew the only way to fix it was to be with each other. But doubts cross your mind; they screw with your head and make you fearful. And when you are in fear- no matter what of- you tend to hold off on conquering them, in fear of loosing.


	2. Chapter 2: DejaVu

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. If I did, it would be on HBO or the Playboy channel.**

Meredith knew she had to face him whether she wanted to or not; she was the neuro resident and he was the neuro attending. Every step she took forward, her heart took another back. The closer she got to him, the harder it got for her to think about what to say. At this point, she wanted to run out of the hospital and forget all about Seattle but she knew that wasn't the answer, that her past would always come back to haunt her. He looked up and their eyes met. He smiled at her and she, unknowingly, smiled back. She was now floating towards him and their eyes hadn't fallen apart yet. At this moment, their past was erased. At this moment, they were alive. It took them until the time their bodies were just about pressed against eachother and they could feel the warmth of one another's breathe to come back to reality.

_Can i erase your face from my day?  
Can i erace your face from my day?  
Can i erase your face from my day?  
Can i erase your face?_

"De-Dr. Shepherd."

"Dr. Grey."

That stood there looking at each other in an incomfortable silence. Derek finally broke the silence.

"We get our new interns today."

"So I've heard."

"Meredith…"

They both stood there looking at each other. He wanted so much to tell her about his undeniable love for her but knew she didn't want to hear about it. She was standing there, waiting for him to continue and plea for her to take him back. She knew she was the one that needed to plea but she couldn't help but wish he would, knowing she'd never do such a thing.

_When's it gonna end?  
When's it gonna end?  
When's it gonna end?  
When's it gonna end?_

"Yes?"

Derek's head bolted up as he saw a familiar face approaching. This was all deja-vu. But instead of turning around, this time, the familiar face continued to approach. He wanted so much for her to turn around and run, knowing there was no way he would chase her. Meredith noticed Derek tense up and get a frightened look on his face and turned around to see what was making him like this. She followed his eyes to a young girl in scrubs.

"Hello Dr. Shepherd."

"Hi."

They sat there in an awkward silence as Meredith looked back and forth between the two. Derek turned to Meredith and a sad look came upon his face. He wanted Meredith back in his life and her meeting the girl "that was the highlight of his week" was not the way to go about that.

"This is Dr. Grey. Dr. Grey this is…"

"Um, I'm uh, my name is Lexie Grey."

This was not good. Derek hoped this was just some coincidence but by the way Lexie was looking at her, he might as well flush his hopes for Mereidth and him down the toilet.

"You are Meredith?"

"Yes. And your Lexie?"

"Yeah. I've heard so much about you!"

"Great." She mumbled under her breathe. "Dr. Shepherd may I please talk to you for a second?"

"Yes." A worried smile crept across his face as they excuse themselves from Lexie.

"You know Lexie?"

"Well no, not really. I mean, we've met before."

"And yet you fail to tell me you met my sister?"

"Well you see, we didn't really exchange names."

She was waiting for him to continue and he paused. He looked into her eyes and saw the confusion, anger, and annoyance which assured him she wanted him to continue."

"We met at Joes."

"At Joes? And she's… wow. She's mcbarwhore."

"What?"

"She's the girl you flirted with at the bar. She was the highlight of your week."

"No Meredith I didn't mean that."

"What exactly did you mean then, Derek?"

"Meredith…"

She looked over at Lexie who was still standing in the same spot, looking down at her feet nervously.

"She's my sister… You flirted with my little sister. And you enjoyed it."

"Meredith. I did not mean it like that when I said that. You are the love of my life. I meant every single word I told you." He sighed. He was loosing her. He could read her and by looking in her eyes, he could tell that she was even more broken. She looked more hurt than when Addison flew in on her broomstick. He could see tears forming in the corners of her eyes and knew she was about ready to make a run for it.

"Meredith please, let me explain."

"Explain what? There is nothing to explain. You have a thing for cute, young girls. Now that I'm becoming less cute and less young, you are moving on. Finn was right. Goodbye Derek."


End file.
